by Ray Newman, radio and television commentator, attorney, educator, author

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A HAPPY THOUGHT

Happiness seems to require 2 beliefs

1. that happiness is possible in your life, and

2. that you are capable of achieving it.

The beliefs may be rational or not, logical or not, mistaken or not. They are based solely on your subjective views.

Belief 1 includes an identification in your mind of what would make you happy:
health, money, loving relationships, celebrity, more work, less work, shining a new Ferrari, etc. There is no objective standard as to what will make you happy. That is not set by family, society, tradition. It could be big things or little things, it could be of monumental earth-shaking historical importance, or it could seeing a beautiful butterfly. It could have its origins in a reaction to something you have experienced. Your parents were poor and unhappy, and you have determined that if you cannot be happy without having money...or, you have determined that you will not let poverty stand in the way of your being happy and your happiness is to be found elsewhere. What would make you happy is as individual and personal a natter as your identity.

A positive Belief 1 relates to having a benevolent view of life.answer

Belief 2 is predicated on some evidence that you are capable of attaining the thing(s) you identified in Belief 1. You and you alone decide what evidence and how much of it is required to convince you. It could be a feeling about your intellectual or social skills, perceived or real, or your particular circumstances, or that you are generally a lucky person, or that you are blessed by God, etc.

A positive Belief 2 relates to self-esteem.

You see the problem: your beliefs are purely personal and subjective. No one can tell you what to believe, what will make you happy. There are those who seem to have everything and are unhappy...and there who retain a basic positive, happy attitude in the face of adversity. No one can appropriately tell you "you shouldn't be unhappy". There are no emotional shoulds or shouldn'ts at play here.

Can you change your beliefs? Yes. You can learn new things about yourself, gain new courage, etc. But the reason you have a particular belief must first be identified...not always easy to do, since that reason may be real or not, repressed or not, known to you or not. It is no wonder that psychological counseling can often be protracted and/o ineffectual.

Two positive beliefs, remember, are the cornerstones of your happiness.

No comments:

Post a Comment