THE WHOLE ME

Ever notice that when we react to something said or done to us in an unusually angry or extreme way , we tend to say things like, "I don't know why I reacted that way, that wasn't really me, I have to get back to being myself."

Ha! Of course it was you. It is always you. It may not be part of the dominant side of the character and personality you exhibit, but no matter how small, it is still a part of you. Who else was it? How many people are living under that skin of yours, eh?

So why then the obviously transparent attempts to deny ownership of and responsibility for those extreme and unusual reactions? Three reasons quickly come to mind, though I am certain there are many others:

1. Image. We present a certain image to others, presumably one that socially works and we resist showing that that image, though substantially true, is not totally true. We fear it will cost us to reveal those socially-undersirable attributes of ourselves.

2. Self Esteem. We dislike what those reactions say negatively about us and we refuse to face the reality that there, in fact, things about our character, that do not meet our own standards and shakes our self love.

3. Privacy. We enjoy having aspects of ourselves that only we know, aspects that lay hidden to even those who know us best. It gives us a sense of individuality and secret pleasure in knowing the unknown. And it is disturbing to us when one or more of those aspects are illuminated and the veils that hide them torn asunder.

But it is critically valuable to us to readily acknowledge to ourselves, if not to others, the totality of who we are, for to fail to do so is to anchor our psychology on shaky ground. In simplest terms, how can we understand ourselves if we do not acknowledge all of who we are?

And if we do not understand ourselves by admitting the totality of what constitutes our character and temperament and psychological makeup:

Are we not destined to make uninformed and unwise decisions for ourselves? Yes.
How do we fix aspects of ourselves if we do not see them as broken? We can't.
How do we find the confidence and courage to make this glorious journey of life, if not within our true selves? We don't.

"Resolve to be thyself; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery"...Matthew Arnold

"The ideal is in thyself, the impediment too is in thyself"...Thomas Carlyle

"He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise"...Lao-Tzu

Remember, too, that trying to deceive YOURSELF is ultimately an exercise in futility...YOURSELF already knows the truth.