by Ray Newman, radio and television commentator, attorney, educator, author

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

HUH?

From the "Overheard Recently" file
..........................................................
And God said "I give you dominion over all animals, to care for them and to see that my creations do not become extinct".

Your order, please.

I’ll have a shrimp cocktail, chicken soup, and the steak and lobster combo special.
..........................................................
How should we fight terrorism, Senator?

We should be firm but not hard, somewhat slack but not soft, not too rigid, a bit loose, solid but less sturdy than dense, and we should converse but not spout, assert without alleging, tell but not reveal, negotiate without bargaining and bargain without differing, dissenting without disagreeing, surrender with no capitulation, submitting but not succumbing, changing without deviating, altering but not varying, to some extent but not too little or too much, more or less, somewhat, sometimes, usually, but not often, at times, generally.
..........................................................
Tom, would you like chocolate cake on your birthday next month?

Mom, how could I possibly know what I'm gonna want next month?

Tom, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife ‘til death do you part?

I do.
.........................................................
You can never be certain of anything.

Professor, are you sure of that?
.........................................................
Every rule has an exception.

Then that rule has an exception, too.
..
Yup.

So not every rule has an exception.

Yup, but it's the exception that proves the rule.

So, if a rule doesn't have an exception...that is, it is always true...then it can't be proven to be true.

Yup.

And the only rule that can be proven to be true is the rule that is not always true.

Yup.
...........................................................
There she is, the Statue of Liberty.

What a beauty!

Do you think people should be free not to have health insurance?

No, they need it.

Should people be free to smoke marijuana?

No, it's bad for them.

Do you support the military draft?

Of course, you've got to do your duty whether you like it or not.

Should homosexuals be free to marry?

No, it's just not right.

Do you favor requiring big business to produce it's goods here in America?

Absolutely, American workers need jobs.

There she is, the Statue of Liberty.

What a beauty! A symbol of what makes America great.
.........................................................

No comments:

Post a Comment