The Provincetown, Massachusetts educational system has passed a ruling that will distribute condoms to elementary school students, beginning with first graders...whether their parents object or not. Presumably the argument is they need to have the condoms to learn about sex. "Parents aren't teaching them, no other way for them to learn."
But the ruling does not go far enough. First graders should, on that enlightened line of reasoning, also be given:
a dildo
an IUD
a film on masturbation, oral-genital stimulation and anal intercourse
a film on lying convincingly
a bag of marijuana
a bag of heroin/cocaine/ecstasy
a bottle of scotch
a .22 pistol and some bullets
a hatchet
a vulgarity dictionary
a college diploma with a degree in teaching
Now they will be ready to face the world.
Assuming there still is a world.
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