by Ray Newman, radio and television commentator, attorney, educator, author

Friday, February 14, 2014

REGRETS

"Say you're sorry for what you did...or didn't do.  That'll fix things and so-and-so will feel better".  All destructive nonsense.

Whatever you say or do has zero effect on the past.  Can you in any way change the past?  The past is not here, gone, over.  It cannot be fixed or changed.  And you didn't do or not do it.  You didn't live in the past and you don't live in the future.  You live only this moment.  And it's gone.  This moment.  Gone.  This moment.  Gone, gone, gone.  Are you responsible for what "you" did when you were 5 years old?  10 years old?  Any wonder New Year's resolutions are generally soon broken?  The you that made them on December 31 is not the you that is alive on January 15. Is your body the same?  No, it changes every moment.  Is your mind the same?  No, it is constantly learning new matters, forgetting things, changing beliefs and perspectives and positions.  Are your emotions the same?  Not necessarily.  So in what way are you and you the same?

And saying you are sorry makes who feel better?  Who is it that you owe an apology to?  What type of person feels good because you feel bad?  And you will feel bad because regret confesses guilt and responsibility and unworthiness and is the progenitor of lowered self-esteem.

Today, saying you are sorry is not enough.  They have upped the ante.  You must be "very sorry", you must acknowledge that you must have been totally crazy or an idiot (to have done what you didn't do...you weren't alive then, you are only alive now). You must be contrite, pay penitence, and chomp around beating your chest and barking "mea culpa, mea culpa".  Problem is:  you're not the mea.

The past and the future are not reality.  Reality is only what is.  And you are responsible only for what you do in the is.

 Isn't that so?



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