by Ray Newman, radio and television commentator, attorney, educator, author

Thursday, July 23, 2009

WHAT, ME LIE?

Humans are liars...habitual, blatant, prolific liars.

We have been taught since early childhood to lie:

"Don't tell her the truth, it will hurt her feelings"

"Where is the truth going to get you?"

"What's truth anyway? What's true for you may not be true for me"

And so we lie...to gain advantage, money, position, favor, respect, adulation, sex and whatever else we deem of value. We lie with one hand on the Bible, we lie on our mother's grave, we lie at the risk of being struck by lightning,, we lie at the risk of selling our soul to the Devil.

We lie because "everyone else does," "who'll know anyway," and "you gotta be crazy not to."

We lie to our boss, to our spouse, to our friends, to our neighbors, to the IRS, to the police...and to ourselves.

We double lie: "This painting is worth $5,000 and I got it for $800." (Worth $1,300 and he paid $1,500 for it.")

We triple lie: "And I've already had someone offer me $8,000 for it." ($1,500)

We quad lie: "But I wouldn't sell it for $50,000." ($2,000)

We lie about how much we lie.

And we take pride in how well we lie: "He believed every word I said. It was like taking candy from a baby. I'm such a damn good liar."

So the question arises: Considering all of the above, is there a good reason not to lie?

Well, there is always the risk of being embarrassed if you are found out, or of feeling a bit guilty, but most liars, I think, feel the risks are small and the rewards too tempting.

So why should you not lie? Because your ultimate goal in life is to be happy (the goal of all people)...and happiness depends upon your having a substantial measure of self esteem (that is, a positive feeling that your life is of value and you are worth living it and worthy of what you have achieved)...and because every time you lie, it is an admission to yourself that the true you, the real you, is not capable of succeeding in life and that the only place you can succeed, if at all, is in the vacuum of unreality, where is nothing of value. No more powerful attack on your self esteem and your happiness potential is possible.

The liar may feel a certain pleasure at having "gotten away with it." But that pleasure will be short-lived. Reality always avenges itself and the consequences of his lies in the reality he sought to avoid are, in fact, unavoidable.

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