by Ray Newman, radio and television commentator, attorney, educator, author

Saturday, February 13, 2010

NOW HAIR THIS!

DNA taken from a hair strand of that 4 million year old man reveals that he had brown eyes, darker than previously thought skin, and was prone to baldness. It made me wonder what more advanced DNA science will reveal about us, if one of our hair strands is discovered in the year 4,002,010.

"He had one brown eye and one blue eye, no doubt trying to be desired by as many child bearing women as possible. He tended to cut the hair on his head and on his face, no doubt to cool his body in light of global warming.

"Members of the human tribe of his time were fixated on acquiring toys, and did so by trading coins or sex for them, or stealing them. They also spent significant time looking at each other, either by staring at a small illuminated box, or by watching a few of their tribe throw or kick a small round object, or by sitting around a table eating pieces of fish that had been beheaded, or soured cow excretions.

"He developed an IQ test to measure intelligence, a test written with symbols that no other species could comprehend. Since his tribe scored highest on that test, he proclaimed his tribe superior to all other species, though the mouse would scare him, the sardine outswim him, the bluebird outfly him, the fox outsmart him, the tortoise outlive him...all without ever reading a book, attending college, seeing a physician, or doing yoga.

"He often wore a gold ring on the annulis finger of the left hand, occasionally in the nostril, and would frequently remove the finger ring before taking long trips alone. DNA doesn't reveal why."

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